Note that there will be some narrative ahead of this recipe this time.
It’s Passover.
Passover is my favorite holiday, both in terms of the ritual, and the food. Matzah ball soup, brisket, fresh grated horseradish, fried matzah, matzah kugel, charroset, the list goes on, and it’s all wonderful. Except for this one thing.
Gefilte fish. The most polarizing food item in the Jewish culture (except perhaps tchollent, but since I wasn’t raised Orthodox I never ate tchollent). Living in Wisconsin for the past 33 (ish) years, where the Norwegians greatly outnumber the Jews, I’ve frequently heard gefilte fish described as Jewish lutefisk. I can’t say – I’ve never eaten lutefisk (that shit is scary. It’s preserved in lye). Holding seders for many years here where I was one of very few Jews greatly outnumbered by my goyishe friends, gefilte fish became a right of passage. Because mostly here in Madison WI we could only get this stuff:

Note that it says “In Jellied Broth”. I truly have no idea how the broth gets “jellied”. I also have truly no idea how long that stuff has been sitting in that jar, or how long that jar has been sitting on that shelf. But my suspicion is that the broth wasn’t jellied when they put the fish in there. The label is predictive and was put on there proactively.
But on the upside, it was blessed by a Rabbi.
Anyhow… This stuff is truly nasty. It tastes like what I imagine fish flavored Little Friskies tastes like. I can confirm that it smells like canned cat food. And the canned cat food that my cat gets has no fish in it. But it smells like this stuff. Best of my knowledge the only difference is that the cat food was not blessed by a Rabbi.
As a kid I ate homemade gefilte fish. Homemade gefilte fish is truly wonderful. My next door neighbor, who was my surrogate grandma (I had both my actual Grandmas growing up, but they lived in Florida), made it. It was amazing.
But the thing about gefilte fish from scratch is there’s a lot of lore around it. And it’s Jewish lore.
So there’s a lot of suffering involved. And a lot of guilt. And a lot of effort. Way too much effort. And all us Jewish kids are indoctrinated into that stuff early. It starts with the book The Carp in the Bathtub https://www.amazon.com/Carp-Bathtub-PB-Barbara-Cohen/dp/1512407534
In this book a young Jewish girl tells the story of how her mother brings a live carp home every year the week before Passover in order to make the best and freshest gefilte fish in the neighborhood, for which she is justifiably famous throughout Jewish New York circa 1920 something. The carp lives in the bathtub for a week and one year gets adopted as a pet by the author as a little girl. That is, until Mama murders the carp and turns it into gefilte fish.
I’m not making this up.
Then there’s this:
http://www.jewishmag.com/112mag/humor/humor.htm
This is actually pretty accurate when it comes to Jewish grandmas and their recipes.
So, needless to say, I’ve been pretty intimidated at the notion of making my own gefilte fish. I’m honestly not certain why I took the plunge this year. I was at our farmers market looking at some beautiful purple carrots, and it occurred to me that they would go nicely in homemade gefilte fish.
And here we are, with a bit of effort, and only a tiny bit of suffering:

2 lbs fish fillets, boned and skinned (I used halibut and salmon after seeing that in an article while I was researching the recipe).
1 sweet onion
1 good size carrot (it doesn’t have to be purple, but if you can find one…)
1 cup matzah meal (look in the kosher section of your grocery store – or use bread crumbs. Matzah meal is essentially impatient bread crumbs).
2 eggs beaten.
96 oz store bought vegetable stock (I used the Whole Foods store brand; or make your own, but that involves more suffering).
Salt and pepper.

Put the stock in a large pot, bring it to a boil and then down to a simmer.
Grate the onion into a nonreactive bowl (this is going to make your eyes sting and water – now you’re suffering), and then drain off as much of the liquid as you can.
Grate your carrot into bowl with the onion.
Cut the fish into chunks and pulse them in a food processor for about 20 seconds.

Scrape your fish into your bowl.
Add in the eggs, matzah meal, salt and pepper.
Get your hands in there and combine everything. It should feel like a meatball mixture (’cause it is).
Try to make a ball. If it’s not holding together it’s either too wet or two dry. If it’s too wet add some more matzah meal. If it’s too dry add another egg.

When it holds together mold it into small football shaped quenelles and drop them in your simmering vegetable stock. Poach for 40 minutes, remove and chill.

Serve cold with grated horseradish.
That’s it. 40+ years of anxiety was completely unnecessary.
Note that this is simpler than it will probably end up in future iterations. When I’m doing something new I tend to start simple because it’s easier to tell what’s missing than it is to tell what’s unnecessary. I’ll likely build it up a bit next year.
Also, I feel compelled to add that what makes Jewish cooking great is the same as what makes French and Chinese cooking great – it’s making the low end ingredients yummy. Halibut and salmon are not low end, I get that. I love the nasty bits – tongue, organ meats, tripe, trash fish (I have a skate wing recipe coming soon that’s fucking awsome), ect. But carp is pretty nasty and I don’t know a place in town that sells it.